I’m thrilled and honored to announce a special three-part series of blog posts by my colleague Terrence Shuman, an expert in compulsive spending and founder of The Shumlan Center for Compulsive Theft & Spending. Today’s post defines and explains some of the roots of compulsive shopping. In his next two posts, Terrence will suggest a number of helpful resources and places to get support for compulsive shopping, and share an inspiring story of recovery during the work with one of his clients.
For those of you who’d ‘rather be shopping,’ a passing thought might arise, “Is this really a problem?” Or perhaps your shopping behaviors are concerning to you or to others in your life. So what really signifies a problem? Humorously coined in the media, a “shopaholic” may also be referred to as a “compulsive shopper,” a “compulsive spender,” an “overshopper” or “overspender,” or a “compulsive buyer.” When we are referring to a shopaholic in the serious sense of the word, we are talking about a person—male or female—who uses shopping as a drug and who is no different from any other “addict.” So, like any addict, most shopaholics eventually cross a line and show the following tell-tale signs of an addiction or compulsion:
1. a progression of shopping which leads to more and more time spent shopping or more and more money spent shopping
2. a sense of being out of control with shopping or an inability to set limits and stick to them
3. preoccupation or obsession or agitation when one goes for certain periods of time without shopping
4. lying, hiding, concealing or deceitful behavior—hiding purchases, opening up secret accounts, lying about whereabouts, etc
5. negative consequences associated with shopping including loss of time, loss of money (debt), loss of relationships, difficulty managing one’s life
6. others express concern about the person’s shopping
7. items bought are often unused or hoarded
8. continuing to shop/spend, lie or hide shopping or spending, despite negative consequences and/or confrontation
People overshop for different reasons, and perhaps even different reasons at different times. Here are some sub-categories of shopaholics:
Compulsive shoppers—primarily shop when strong or difficult emotions arise
Trophy Shoppers—have to have the best of everything but more for one’s own satisfaction than to impress others
Image Shoppers—have to look the best of have the best in order to feel good about oneself and, usually, to fit in or impress others
Bargain Shoppers—have to get the deal, the steal in order to feel satisfied or victorious
Codependent Shoppers—tend to shop more for others than themselves, try to buy love/friendship, don’t feel worthy unless giving
Bulimic Shoppers—buy and return, buy and return: get a rush and fill-up and then feel sick/remorseful and purge by returning; cycles continues
Collector Shoppers—obsessed with accumulating sets of things or rare things for value or sense of order/completion/control
There are a number of emotional/psychological reasons people become shopaholics, often traced to childhood experiences. Oftentimes there is a history of severe material and/or emotional deprivation when they were young or, conversely, extreme overindulgence or spoiling. The top ten reasons people struggle with overshopping are:
Grief and Loss/Loneliness (To Fill a Void)
Anger (To Make Life Fair/To Get Back at Someone)
Depression (To Get a Lift)
Anxiety/Stress (To Soothe/Escape/Comfort)
Acceptance/Competition (To Fit In or Belong/Keep up with The Joneses)
Power/Control (To Counteract Feeling of Powerlessness)
Boredom/Excitement (To Live on the Edge)
Shame/Low Self-esteem (To Make Oneself Feel Better)
Entitlement/Reward (To Compensate for Suffering or Sacrifice)
Rebellion/Initiation (To Break into One’s Own Identity/Search for Self/Distinguish/Define)
Terrence Shulman, JD, LMSW, ACSW, CAAC, CPC, is founder of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft & Spending and a sought-after expert in this field. In addition to providing counseling services and training other professionals, he has appeared widely in the media including Oprah, Prime Time, and 48 Hours. He is the author of “Bought Out and $pent! Recovery from Compulsive $hopping and $pending.” For more information and to contact Terrence directly, visit The Shulman Center website.
