This is a guest post from my dear friend, professional coach Courtney Parks. She happens to also be my lifestyle balance muse, which is why I want to share this article of hers with you. I thought it would be an especially helpful read during this holiday season, when it can feel like overwhelm is lurking behind every corner!
If your career, your business or your personal life does not look and feel the way you want it to, it’s often because what you really want is not on your schedule. Whether we like it or not, our schedules are a representation of our lives on paper (or on some other electronic device). Using your schedule is a way to create your time and guard your time so that you can do more of what you truly love.
And I’m not just talking basic time management here. Unfortunately, time management often ends up being a sneaky way to feed our addiction to getting more things crossed off our list. Using your schedule is about choosing what to fill your life with so you are happier, more effective and more fulfilled.
One of the biggest time zappers for women is filling our schedules with (imagine a deep, booming voice here) OBLIGATIONS. Obligations are things we don’t want to do but we feel we have to do. We tend to know it’s an obligation when thinking about it makes us feel uneasy: the dinner with the couple you don’t even like, the annual volunteer event where you always feel ‘used’, the extended family visit.
Sometimes obligations are simply tasks that we’re not good at or that we don’t enjoy. Maybe it’s cooking, cleaning your house or even sending out holiday cards.
Whether it’s an event or an activity, our lives tend to get filled with obligations when we react quickly and choose unconsciously. So here’s one way that you can use your schedule to create time for things you really love…
1. Take a look at your schedule for the next month (or two weeks or one week depending on how busy you are) and notice your obligations – remember, thinking about them will make you feel a nice pit in your stomach!
2. Choose at least one obligation to say “no” to and communicate the “no” in a loving manner (ex: “Thanks so much for the invite! I’d love to be there but I have other plans.”) Note: I could write a book on saying no to obligations and I know there can be a lot of pressure depending on who you are turning down! For now, just consider keeping it short and sweet…
3. Look at each week (or day) and notice where your time is too tight – say “no” again by delegating, hiring, asking for help or just canceling. You may need to refer to your ‘to do list’ so you’re including things that aren’t represented on your schedule.
4. List three things you regularly notice yourself saying “I wish I had time for…” (this could be baking cookies, relaxing with the family or reading a book).
5. Choose one thing on this list and schedule at least one hour per week to do this. If you’re feeling really stressed, you’ll need to schedule more time. Think about what makes sense for you in terms of when to plug this activity into your schedule.
6. Guard this time fiercely as you would a very important meeting – hire a babysitter, turn off the phone and email, leave the house if necessary. Note: If you are not used to taking time to enjoy yourself, do not expect to feel comfortable doing it. But once you’ve made your plan, just stay with it and you will eventually feel better. If not, try again the next time.
7. When someone asks you to do something that will fill up any additional time you’ve freed, tell them you will ‘check your schedule and get back to them’ – do not give that person an answer immediately unless it is an absolute yes.
8. Once you’ve had a chance to check in with yourself, respond with a yes or no (once again, short and sweet).
9. Repeat as necessary.
The beauty of this process is that it gets easier and easier over time. So do yourself a favor and make room for YOU and the life that you’ve always imagined – and trust that doing so will impact everything and everyone around you in a positive way (because it does).
Enjoy!!
Courtney Parks, MA, CPCC is a Certified Professional Coach with a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and a background in psychotherapy. Her company, Courtney Parks Coaching, is dedicated to helping female professionals and business owners to be ultra successful professionally without exhausting themselves personally. Courtney has helped hundreds of women to transform their work and their lives, by combining solid business and career development strategies with intuition, inspiration and personal growth. For more information about Courtney, please visit her website at www.courtneyparks.com.
