I’ve started reading Eleanor Blayneys’ “Women’s Worth: Finding Your Financial Confidence” for August’s Virtual Book Salon and am loving what she has to share. As a Certified Financial Planner who focuses on women’s financial issues and struggles, I’m finding that her book speaks to me. One of the points she makes early on is that is important for us to ‘know our numbers.” She parallels our physical health to our financial health. Most of us know our blood pressure, our cholesterol levels, our weight, etc. Yet, how many of us have stepped on the ‘credit score scale’ or know our net worth, our tax liability, the total of our monthly fixed expenses? Watch Eleanor talk about the importance of knowing our numbers in this short video:

“We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs.“
~Gloria Steinem

I recently attended my mentor Barbara Stanny’s Overcoming Underearning workshop. She shared a number of tips and tools with us, but one that resonated strongly with me is the values clarification exercise. [You can find it in her Overcoming Underearning book.] She provides a long list of life values, such as family, beauty, success, travel, etc. and asks you to choose your top ten. This is actually much harder than you might think! I felt a sense of completion having come up with ten, but was then asked to whittle the list down to my top five! I found this to be very challenging. But, it was also incredibly illuminating. There is something deeply grounding about knowing your top five values, and I find them a helpful decision-making compass that relates not only to money, but life in general.

One of my top five values is learning. I am always taking classes, workshops, and working privately with mentors. However, one of the things I found recently is that I was not taking the time to read books on my [quite long] reading list. And true confession, this is what prompted me to launch the Financially Smitten Book Salon. I wanted this accountability…to know that each month I need to show up and lead a discussion about a book on money psychology. [I do hope you will join me for this opportunity to nurture YOUR relationship with money!]

Another one of my mentors, Bari Tessler from Conscious Bookkeeping, also speaks about the importance of knowing one’s values. In fact, she has designed a brilliant and creative method to track one’s finances, which she refers to as ‘values-centered’ bookkeeping. Bari advises her students to come up with meaningful and fun categories for what is typically a staid ‘chart of accounts.’ So for example, what might normally be referred to as ‘Rent’ or ‘Mortgage’ is now coined ‘Sweet Sanctuary’ or ‘Relaxing Refuge.’ It puts a whole new spin on budgeting and accounting! She also encourages her students to review monthly numbers to monitor if the ways we are using our money truly reflect our values.

This was enlightening for me recently as I witnessed the expenditures in my “Soul Restoration” category waning. I had the feeling that I was working too much, but looking at the numbers really hit home for me. As they say–numbers don’t lie–and I had an opportunity to revisit how I was spending both my money and my time. So…a museum date got scheduled!

YOUR ACTION STEPS TO FINANCIAL SMITTEN-HOOD:

Get clear on YOUR values, girl! Here are a few suggestions to guide you:

• Google ‘values clarification exercises’ for a variety of free web resources

• Ask yourself: How would I spend the next six months if I found out that was all I had left to live?

• Write your own obituary, putting into it all of your life long accomplishments of which you are proud and why you are proud of them. If you died tomorrow, what would you like others to say about you?

• Imagine you have received a million dollars. What would you now do with your life?

These exercises will help provide insights into what is genuinely important to you.

It is not always easy to make decisions and take actions that are in synch with our true values. As I shared above with the Book Salon example, think about how you can create “accountability” to support yourself to live a life aligned with your values. I’d love to hear what your ‘top five’ are and if knowing this has changed any decisions you are making, especially regarding money. Please join the conversation in the Comments section below!

The Women’s Institute for Financial Education, WIFE.org is the oldest non-profit organization dedicated to providing financial education to women in their quest for financial independence. Their website provides information on everything from investing to taxes, as well as resources specifically for women dealing with divorce [including workshops nationwide] or widowhood. Visit wife.org and if you like what you find, I encourage you to sign up for their newsletter. It always contains something of interest to expand your financial knowledge base.

Do you find yourself Internet ‘window shopping’? I found a site that helps you easily–and for no fee–keep a wish list online. Wishpot is a service that lets you add anything you want to a wish list or registry. You can use it to catalog your own wish list as well as any fabulous gift ideas you come across for others in your life–from any site on the web. Wishpot provide a widget that you can easily install on your browser’s toolbar and you’re good to go! There are a number of other features including price alerts, product reviews, and list sharing via social media. Check it out!

If you are one of the many who struggle with over-spending, by becoming more aware of your signature over-spending triggers, you will be better armed with the knowledge to craft a plan of action to avoid them. When it comes to over-spending, self-knowledge is definitely power!

Identifying what triggers your particular over-spending will help you be more conscious of the times when you are most vulnerable to over-spend. If you are not sure what triggers you, keep a log of over-spending incidents, making note of the following:

• when it was
• where you were
• who you were with [if applicable]
• what the situation was
• what you were feeling before over-spending
• what you bought

Once you have collected enough data, start to analyze it for significant trigger patterns. For example, you may learn that certain situations are connected with over-spending. Perhaps it’s difficult to resist a bargain. You may find that whenever Bloomies has a ‘SALE,’ you’re there. Or, after a long day at the office or suffering through a dreadful date, that Chanel lipstick seems like a just ‘reward.’ One woman I worked with found herself at the MAC Cosmetic counter during lunch every time her boss handed back a legal brief that was marked up with a myriad critical comments.

Over-spending can often be used as a mind-altering ‘drug.’ You may find that there are certain feelings that prompt you to over-spend. Common ones are loneliness, anxiety, sadness, boredom, resentment, jealousy, etc. However, don’t be surprised if you find that happiness, success, or accomplishments are triggers as well.

Lastly, you may identify that certain people are connected to over-spending. There may be particular girlfriends who wants to take a ‘quick peek’ in the Anthropologie shop on your way to dinner, and you walk out with an unintended purchase. Another client somehow found herself on bananarepublic.com every time she got off the phone with her mother-in-law.

Once you have analyzed all the ‘data,’ make a list of your signature over-spending triggers. Armed with this increased self-awareness, brainstorm solutions for your particular triggers. For example, if criticism from your boss is a trigger, find a trusted co-worker you can ‘vent’ to, or a friend you can text to let her know ‘the jerk did it again.’ If you struggle with boredom as a trigger, find more ways to engage yourself in your world such as taking up a hobby, registering for a class on something you’ve always wanted to learn, volunteering, etc. And, avoid traveling with your Anthropologie girlfriend to the restaurant…plan to meet her there instead!

It’s often easy to make purchases without thinking about the financial and emotional implications until after the money is spent. The key is to stay conscious before pulling out your wallet. Stopping Overshopping expert April Benson recommends asking yourself these six questions the next time you find yourself about to make a purchase:

1. Why am I here?
2. How do I feel?
3. Do I need this?
4. What if I wait?
5. How will I pay for it?
6. Where will I put it?

You can put these questions on a Post-It note and keep it in visible place in your wallet or on your computer screen…those neon colored ones are great for catching your eye! You can whip it out as you stand in the checkout line at Target–loaded down with items from the latest Zac Posen line.

Help out a fellow over-spender by sharing your solutions to outsmarting your triggers in the comments section below!